That's odd, because Le'a is pretty much the only one around here that shows any affection at all towards me. Maybe I expect it? Maybe I have come to expect that luxury, instead of the common, cold atmosphere that is the reality of my environment against the silent and sterile stasis of my mind. Woopsie. See what happens when you let yourself get spoiled? You come to expect warmth and human companionship, and then in its absence you lose clarity, function decays, withdrawal symptoms set in.

I wish that I could be a lens - optical purity, a glass through which the world appears without the cloudy hopes and fears. In painful contrast picking out the motives hovering about our every move, through death and life. I'd be a stainless scalpel knife. To cut and part the hiding layers of human wants, emotions, cares. To finally reveal the mess of raw and red organic cess which plots the course we play at choosing. Why your friends are so confusing. Why we bother to live at all. Explain away this muddy ball. Flesh is a fact I can't deny, splintering truth against precious lie. My vision blurred by human lenses, knife edge dulled by mortal senses, the sanity that is resigned to follow a vertical line against a featureless horizon. I hope my death will be surprising.

How to lose respect: 1) Repeat yourself every time someone says 'What?' 2) Be nice to people who are not nice to you. 3) Apologize.

Weird how you are taught to do these things when you are a child.

How to not lose respect: 1) Say things once, clearly. 2) Be better than people who are not nice to you. 3) Don't do things that you're going to apologize for.

Hmm. That doesn't look right. Eh, whatever. I'm sure I wrote it for some reason.

"Do you believe in God?" "I am God!" - Divine in Pink Flamingos, or my Mom.